my very exciting update!

shall i cut right to the good stuff or strong you along a little?

sssss ..... ttttt ..... rrrrr ..... iiiii ..... nnnnn ..... ggggg .....

so i've been a little bummed about my new agency not being able to find an md for me to work with. i contacted my old agency and started the ball rolling with them again. they said they had a couple in mind for me and i had minimal paperwork to do. hallelujah! well as i was perusing the all things surrogacy facebook page i saw an interesting post from an im. we started talking and met up for dinner last week and ... this is the EXCITING part ... we matched!!! i am so very excited to have a local couple and we are in the beginning stages of everything, but they have frozen embies so hopefully we can get things going very soon! :)

my darling daughter and i had a fun photo shoot yesterday with surrogacy together! they are making their rounds around the country to shoot and interview surrogates and intended parents. check out their facebook page for more info!

and the hits keep coming

received some more disappointing news from my agency last week. the second doctor who wouldn't discriminate cause of my weight won't take me because he can't get a hold of the miscarriage paperwork from the ivf clinic i was with last march. they told my agency that the records belong to the ip's and they would need to sign a release form blah, blah, blah. i don't understand why a good word from the r.e. isn't good enough! i am beginning to think this may not be in the cards for me again! i wish it were easy to agency hop instead of having to fill out a forest worth of paperwork!

disappointed

in my new search for my last surro journey (yes there is a final chapter in the works) i've hit a speed bump.

first things first. i signed up with a new agency and i really like them. smaller agency. very personal feel. they showed me a profile of some potential ip's who seem like a good match for me. after many phone calls kaiser finally got their stuff together and sent the correct files. well the r.e. doesn't approve of my low bmi. say what? i am underweight and always have been. isn't that better than being overweight? never mind the fact that i've been pregnant 3 times. never mind that 2 of those pregnancies delivered healthy babies.

so my agency is contacting other clinics to see if they will take me. i won't be filling out any more mountains of paperwork or requesting my records from kaiser again, so this is my last chance at doing this again.

as i am reminded daily by my wonderful partner, breath in. breath out.

happy april blog friends! time flies and i find myself still waiting around for something to happen. this would have been the month that my former ip's wanted to transfer in had i been willing to wait. i thought my own family planning was going to be a bit quicker so i backed out. and here i am wanting to be matched again. anywho, my one out of state agency contacted me yesterday and is waiting for some records and wants me to have another pap smear before matching me. well my pap isn't due until july and that seems so far away! i sent all my paperwork to my local agency and they had a couple of people in mind for me, so hopefully i can be matched sooner rather than later. i really dislike the "hurry up and wait" in all of this. that's about all folks. lots of waiting and school and working. at least e weather is beautiful!

such a tease!

so i know i seem like such a tease in regards to my last post.

weeeeeeellllllll ...

my profile is up and running with a new agency! yippee!!! somedays i sit here and think to myself, "am i crazy? do i really want to punish my body for the 4th time with hundreds of shots, endless blood draws, that weenie wand always up in my business?" and the answer is yes. my sweet surrogirlie is going to be 2 in june. 2! where on earth has the time gone? i haven't seen her since the day she was born, but i think of her often and what i wouldn't give to see a picture of her smiling face! it's been almost (next week) a year since i lost the twins. that was a difficult time. so before i jump feet first into "i do" and cloth diapering, i want to make someone else's family dreams come true! i guess i'm like the fairy godmother - bibbidi bobbidi boo!!!

things are brewing! stay tuned!

driving on a random friday ...

as i was on my way to work last week i had just exited the freeway and i hit a huge wall of emotions! i just started bawling! i called my mom and she asked me what was wrong. i've been hit recently on one of my surro groups with everyone's surrobabe's photos. i haven't seen mine since the day she was born. i knew i still harbored some resentment and anger towards my ip's for what they did and the way they went about doing it. don't they know they wouldn't have a baby if it weren't for me??? there, i said it. i put it out there. i never really released any emotion after that awful e-mail. i did cry while reading it to my mom, but i was also only 1 week postpartum. i had so much going on then. i never grieved her loss. and so while driving on a random friday in november, i totally lost it. i am so happy that my friends get to see their surrokids and i do know gals who don't need to see theirs. i never had any closure. all i need is closure. the whole situation has been a tough pill for me to swallow. i hope with that release of emotion i can start to move on.